Aquarius.

Never would I have thought I would be THIS guilty of cutting class. Cutting class in medical school just brings guilt and shame. I hate myself so much right now. Why am I such an inefficient human being with poor decision-making skills?! I just missed both classes on Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and Therapeutic Nuclear Medicine. Funny thing, I was really excited for the Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery topic. I am huge fan of this typa thing (Botched, The Swan--- Hollywood, in general lol) I know they're kinda different in terms of the intention and/or indication of the said surgery, but ughhh... I actually missed learning from two really great women. I will never forgive myself for this. I will take this to my grave. I am sorry, doc. :(((((

"Everybody is everywhere nowadays." This is taking me more time than I had expected. I'm not really sure what to say? Heck, I'm not even sure how I should (?) feel. This still feels like a dream. Maybe because we really don't even see each other as often as we'd like even though we're in the same city. It feels like one of those long periods of not seeing you because of med school and we usually see each other because of fate. Literally. No texts, no chats, no calls. Just us being at the right place, at the right time. It hasn't hit me yet that I won't be seeing this crazyface for a couple of years. We're so fond of writing letters for all the things we really can't say out loud... including all our petty fights back in grade school. Lol You kept on ranting about your excess baggage (damn all those canned goods!!! Haha) And I kept on thinking what to give as a "going away present" for you which won't a

I suddenly feel so sad because I missed Seventeen's concert and The Saem fan sign. This. THIS. T. H. I. S. This . This is precisely the reason why I tried so hard to steer clear of the world of Kpop while being in med school. You see, fan girling in med school is like a double edged sword. Whenever I feel down or stressed because of school, I turn to Kpop for my dose of unadulterated happiness. I get sucked into this blackhole where it's just me and my favorite boys. I get back to the "real world" and it suddenly feels like my problems had melted away. Then here comes all these events--- but since the universe has other plans for me (aka "hates seeing me happy", lol) on the day of these events, I miss it. "This isn't supposed to matter." I keep on telling myself. (But it actually does.) I only wanted to know that cute guy's name. But here I am, a year later and a million videos after, writing this dumb post about missin

I went to bed early last night with the hope of waking up early enough to cram an entire school year's worth of knowledge--- all before the 2pm exam. My body clock woke me up at 11:30pm-ish. Fully aware that my brain supposedly performs at its optimum when it's 12mn and beyond, I went back to sleep to "kill time" before 12. Pffttt... "kill time", I amuse myself sometimes. I had a dream that I didn't have an exam to take the next day. The next time I opened my eyes... wait, is that the sun?! I checked the time and to my horror, it was already 5 freaking am. Long story short, I basically just gave up and resorted to skimming through my notes then proceeded to pass the time by getting sucked into an unproductive internet black hole a few hours before the exam. But the Lord is indeed good and I am such an undeserving mortal... When I arrived in school, I found out I was one of the 28 (?) students who were exempted from taking the final e

Doing the usual distracting myself instead of studying for my final exam, I came across a post on Instagram which felt like getting slapped on the face out of nowhere. "If you were ready, God would have given it to you already." Or something like that.  I immediately pressed home after reading.  Pretty sure it was God talking to me.  See, I have been "avoiding" God lately. Crazy, I know.  I am so frustrated with my faith in Him that I just went cold turkey.  It was because things weren't turning out the way that I had hoped.  But after reading that, it hurts so much to think about it.  It hurts because I know that it's true.  I keep on forgetting so many unwritten rules in life because  I'm way inside my head that I couldn't get out.  All I ever think about is how things should be in my own terms. Not thinking that my dreams need to align with God's will.  At this point, all I want is for God to heal me a

After my exam, I opened my Facebook out of habit to distract myself from the impending post-exam blues. A few friends tagged me in a news article regarding Harry Styles "indirectly" confirming that he is in fact bisexual. Believe it or not, I am NOT shocked. This is not said out of hurt or bitterness. Bih, I've been a fan since forever and you actually think that at some point I didn't think about this? I remember telling my sister before that I would not be surprised that if one day, he might actually address all these rumors about his sexuality. But until then, it was and will never be an issue. The entire ride home, I kept on thinking of witty ways to reply to all my friends who had expressed their "concern" for me when the news broke out that Harry Styles's new song was about him expressing his "true" sexuality. I feel sad. Not because of what the reason my friends might be thinking but rather--- why would this even matter?! I